so....

so the past few days have been down days for me, but today was nice. my dad was suppose to pick me up to work for him so i got up at 8am and got dressed and makeup done and all and then waited. it is now 7pm and i am still waiting. i'm a patient person, but somehow i think he's not coming. but my day actually turned out ok anyway, it was nice to stay home and actually accomplish something. my roommates and i switched rooms about two weeks ago and since then my room has been a total bomb. it was literally dangerous to walk in. but never fear! superbob appeared and completely cleaned the room! (it took 5hours and two large trash bags but at least it's done.) then just as i finished my roommates got home and we took a good two mile walk (we've been doing this everyday for the past couple of weeks, sometimes going 4miles and the walk is more like a hike on the way back up). anyway, i just got out of the shower, all nice and clean after a hardworking, sweaty day, i love those showers the best. i also finished burning kait's cd which she gave me like 4 months ago...see how much i accomplished today (ok, you superduper, A+, mile-a-minute, multitasking geniuses need not comment!)

"Also, the sun rises and the sun sets; And hastening to its place it rises there again."~Ecclesiastes 1:5

 so i have changed the look and name of my blog. it's still the same address, but i've decided to head in a different direction with it. instead of just writing about random things that come to mind or the unimportant things that happen to me, i, superbob, will now focus attention onto expanding horizons.

i know that no matter where we may be living or at what stage in live we may find ourselves life can get pretty small. one of my biggest fears is routine, some people find a comfort in knowing what is going to happen tomorrow, but really i find that too much routine makes me a dull bob. sometimes, and recently a lot, i get into a certain routine and find that not only do i bore of it quickly, but i also start to think "what's the point?" or "is this all there is to life?" or "help! this can't be everything!" i become claustrophobic as my once seemingly important busy life becomes less important and more busy and my world starts to collapse around me and i find myself trying to dig my way out with a toothpick...

                                       ...ANYWAY...

                                                    ...sorry i got a little carried away...

anyway, i don't really want to spend this time bringing you into the dark corners of my silly mind, but i do want to help you understand just what i am trying to say.

have you ever been caught up in your life with school or work or family or church or whatever your world consists of and realized one day that it all seemed so small, so pointless and ever asked yourself "this is what life is all about? just day in and day out of this?" i don't know maybe i'm mental but this seems to happen to me a lot and so i decided that i am going to use this blog as a sort of outlet, an outlet away from the mundane ordinary. 

i have this theory that the more unimportant and small one's world is the more that person is likely to engage in gossip or petty arguments or the more likely they are to get caught up in worthless drama just to make their world seem more important. i have seen friends get forsake responsibility or engage in relationships that are inappropriate or do things that they would never originally even consider. i'm probably wrong about this, but it seems that i have witnessed this happen to a few people i know. saipan is certainly an easy place to forget that there is a world beyond itself. so the whole point of this blog is to remind myself (and anyone else who needs it) that there really is a world beyond here, that most of what happens in my life is really not worth as big a reaction as i usually give it and that there are whole other worlds where the sun also rises.

mum~thank you for being my best friend...

this is what i sent mum for her mother's day.

baby barak and other adventures

to my faithful followers and loyal stalkers do not worry, my one month hiatus from the limelight was spent blissfully resting in a hospital suite, ahhhhhh...ok, so here are some of the never ending adventures that have kept bob, "the quite amazing", never ending adventuring!   

as was stated in my last post i have started school up again (one of bob's biggest challenges is school, stay tuned to see if this time bob graduates with a degree before the big 5-0 birthday!!), the college is about a 45min walk from my apartment and one evening as i was starting my way home from class at about 6:30pm i came upon a small, teeny tiny baby kitten (after looking online bob has deduced that the small creature was no more than one month old). because strays are fairly common here on saipan i figured its mother was somewhere close by and was about to leave when the kitten ventured further out into the road and almost got hit by a truck. well of course after that i couldn't just leave it because cat roadkill is almost just as common (bob to the rescue!). after searching for a non-existent mother i took the kitten home with me and sneaked it into my no-pets-allowed apartment. i gave it some water and named it barack (bob's heroic act took place on inauguration day). (super)mom and i took baby barack to mutual and eventually was able to find what i thought (bob's big mistake...thinking) was an okay home with one of the older young men. unfortunately, this adventure has a bad ending so to keep up the illusion of me doing good here is where i stop. (but brave bob goes on! after only a few short days in his new home baby barack was let outside to eat and a massive kitten-eating dog came up and ate the kitten! brave bob never felt more like a failure in a mission before, so long baby barack, RIP.) 

in other news i have gotten a new roommate, actually apartment-mate as we actually have separate bedrooms. (bob's new side kick is sexy jennifer whose power is to be able to melt men with the flash of a smile) when jen first moved in she painted the apartment's stalk white walls a bold red and black, which actually looks better then it sounds, and we got in trouble for it with our landlady (bob and sexy jennifer fight off the mad m with their strong evil eye defense), but it has turned out ok because even though she was mad, she did say that it looked good! 

classes are going ok. i am taking basic japanese for the third time now and am still really struggling with it. (bob has nothing to say here, so he's not a hero in all things, ok!) it actually isn't all that hard of a language, i just really have a difficult time with languages i think(bob's still learning english!) i'm just one of those people that needs to really be immursed in it and four hours a week is just not gonna cut it. oh well. my other classes are american history 2 (bob's always wondered what happened to america after the civil war), health (bob knows he's taken this one before, just can't prove it...), and digital media design (bob is going to design his own action hero logo!) i actually like this class better than i thought i would, though it's more work than originally thought too. 

on a creepy note, i came home last night and the kitchen light and ceiling fan were both on. i thought maybe jen had left them on (bob called out for faithful sidekick with no such luck), but when jen got home she swore that she hadn't (bob tends to believe her as he made her pass his super-duper lie-detector). but this is not the first time i have come home and strange things have happened. once, i (when bob was still alone) came inside and the airconditioner in my bedroom (which bob never uses due to his sensitivity to cold) was on full blast (bob has since disarmed the monsterous machine). i am wondering if maybe my landlords are coming in when i'm not here, they would be the only other people to have a key. i think maybe i'll mention it next time i go pay the rent because it is a contract and privacy violation (what if the mad m found out bob secret identity?! then it would be a fight to the bloody death...and bob is a little weesy around blood).

alright, so that is it for now, i have to get ready for class (code phrase for mission!) but i promise to all those devoted fans (wannabes) that i will be back to post (save you all from bordem) another day (this time not too far in the furture)!

FINALLY!!

after about three weeks of intense anxiety and frustration (following at least two months of procrastination) i am finally, finally registared for classes at the local community college here. yes, that's right ladies and gentlemen, this is bob's fourth college to attend in 51/2 years! bob never expected to out do her previous record of 3 different schools in a 4 year high school career, but then again bob never ceases to be amazing in the record breaking department. and whats more, this college is just to get an associate's degree so that bob can then transfer to yet another school to finish out. maybe bob would make a good college evaluator (yeah, forget the whole doctor/lawyer thing!). anyway, classes start the 20th and hopefully this will give me the chance to address number 9 on my resolutions' list. 

resolution: "a resolve or determination: to make a firm resolution to do something."(dictionary.com).

my birthday occurs about three months from the end of the year and this last time as i celebrated the completion of my 24th cycle on this earth, a friend said something to me that made an impression. she said, "24, that was a good year for me". now this friend is in her forties with kids and was already married with children when she was 24. when she made this comment i thought, "what have i done this past year that when i am her age i will be able to look back and say '24 was a good year for me'?" as i reflected i realized that i had really nothing substantial that i could say "look i've done this" or "i accomplished that". in fact since graduating high school 5 1/2 years ago all i had to show for myself was a decent amount of miles added to my frequent flier account and an indecent amount of pounds added to my butt. now the whiny side of me said "but bob, you've been struggling with a severe mental disease that has taken a lot out of you and that you are still working on controlling, no one expects great things from you." but then the kick-butt side of me said, "bob, you are a severe mental disease and let's face it, in the next life when your maker asks you "why didn't you ever do anything?" do you really want to use the excuse "well, i had a severe mental disease" he's just gonna throw that john nash guy in your face and then what will you have to say?" anyway, the point is i want to do something with my life. i want to do something now so that when i'm older and laden down with a family, or a real job, or/and other responsibilities that i am able to reflect and go "see i had a whole other life once, one in which i was this kind of person that did these many different things and lived in this way." so below (if you are still reading) is a list of things that i really, really am going to accomplish this year. a list of not just resolutions but actual goals that i am going to achieve so that when i am celebrating the end of my 25th cycle i can look back and go, "yeah, 25 was a good year for me and 26 will be even more so!"

bob's list of new year determinations (in no particular order)
this year i promise to...

1.actually learn to play a song or two on that violin i've been using as a dust collector.
2.only make promises i fully intend on keeping and always keep the promises i make.
3.travel for the sole purpose of exploration and fun and not for trans-pacific, life-changing, running-away-from-my-problems moves.
4.actually read all six of jane austen's novels (and no, reading the back of the dvd cover does not count!).
5.finally put to paper the story idea that has been (for the last 6months anyway) keeping me up at nights.
6.train my genetically-enhanced loud voice to speak in a naturally softer tone (not kinder, softer)
7.teach myself and implement better money management (i.e. spending, saving, debt consolidating) so i am not living month to month.
8.put effort into looking decent and attractive to myself everyday.
9.go back to school and re-raise grade point average to something i can apply to other schools or jobs with.
10.loose the aforementioned butt-pounds and get back down to that pre-college, pre-breakdown, pre-nobody-loves-me-so-i'm-gonna-drown-my-sorrows-in-mocha-almond-fudge-ice-cream weight.
11.overcome my food addiction
12.learn how to surf.
13.learn some serious kick-ass, self-defence moves (dad...judo?).
14.re-introduce myself to my sewing machine and give my wardrobe that much-needed make-over.
15.do more real tennis and less wii tennis.
16.study a new language.
17.learn all the parts of the brain and their functions
18.write at least once a month to sammy-boy.
19.do at least one specially good deed per week.
20.improve my spiritual awareness and rely more on GOD and his direction in my life.

too early to be thinking

i electrocuted myself this morning, which i took as God's little slap on the wrist for missing church when i wasn't physically ill. my arm was tingly and fingers numb for about an hour afterwards and i think i've developed a twitch in my right eye, but that's probably not a result of my electrocution, just a sign of things to come. the shock reminded me of the last time i made contact with electricity. i was really, really young (and apparently none too bright) when i took a butter knife to an outlet, i think, to get something out of it. i thought i was going to die. i was, perhaps, a tad fatalistic as a child. but that incident was not nearly as shocking (hehe, get it?) as today's. and although the thought of death didn't take a stroll through my mind, i did curse myself for being even more stupid the second time. so back to the reason for the reprimand, i stayed home today. all day. ignoring all phone calls (except from mum) and the rest of the outside world for the complete day. no church, no callings, no people. these past few weeks, with holidays and parties and plays and friends and family and work and meetings...and...and...and... well, let's just say that it has been, in a word, exhausting. i am easy to tire especially being around people. i know, i know, i come from a large family, both immediate and extended, but for some reason it takes a lot out of me to be around others. it is easier around family, i don't usually feel the pressure to put on my ready made facade of the easy-going, responsible, funny bob that i keep handy in my pocket at all times in public. but family in itself is exhausting and mine especially so. (of course i think this for the sole reason that i deal with my family on a daily basis. so maybe my family isn't "especially so" but this is my blog so leave me alone.) anyway, sundays are particularly tiring to me because of the large number of people i am force to be nice to, the meaningless comments i'm suppose to reciprocate, the air that is sucked away from me by the heat of other beings. i hold three callings; sunday school teacher for the 12~15yrs class, choir director, branch missionary. honestly, i like all of my callings, but usually at the end of my duty-filled four hours i am ready for a good night's sleep. unfortunately, sleep does not always come to me when i ask it to and so here i am at 5am after a night spent alone, writing a blog in which i can't remember if i said anything that made sense or was offensive and am too tire to go back and check.