too early to be thinking

i electrocuted myself this morning, which i took as God's little slap on the wrist for missing church when i wasn't physically ill. my arm was tingly and fingers numb for about an hour afterwards and i think i've developed a twitch in my right eye, but that's probably not a result of my electrocution, just a sign of things to come. the shock reminded me of the last time i made contact with electricity. i was really, really young (and apparently none too bright) when i took a butter knife to an outlet, i think, to get something out of it. i thought i was going to die. i was, perhaps, a tad fatalistic as a child. but that incident was not nearly as shocking (hehe, get it?) as today's. and although the thought of death didn't take a stroll through my mind, i did curse myself for being even more stupid the second time. so back to the reason for the reprimand, i stayed home today. all day. ignoring all phone calls (except from mum) and the rest of the outside world for the complete day. no church, no callings, no people. these past few weeks, with holidays and parties and plays and friends and family and work and meetings...and...and...and... well, let's just say that it has been, in a word, exhausting. i am easy to tire especially being around people. i know, i know, i come from a large family, both immediate and extended, but for some reason it takes a lot out of me to be around others. it is easier around family, i don't usually feel the pressure to put on my ready made facade of the easy-going, responsible, funny bob that i keep handy in my pocket at all times in public. but family in itself is exhausting and mine especially so. (of course i think this for the sole reason that i deal with my family on a daily basis. so maybe my family isn't "especially so" but this is my blog so leave me alone.) anyway, sundays are particularly tiring to me because of the large number of people i am force to be nice to, the meaningless comments i'm suppose to reciprocate, the air that is sucked away from me by the heat of other beings. i hold three callings; sunday school teacher for the 12~15yrs class, choir director, branch missionary. honestly, i like all of my callings, but usually at the end of my duty-filled four hours i am ready for a good night's sleep. unfortunately, sleep does not always come to me when i ask it to and so here i am at 5am after a night spent alone, writing a blog in which i can't remember if i said anything that made sense or was offensive and am too tire to go back and check.